Tissue? I Hardly Know You.

Here's a pet peeve of mine, for those of you who wear spectacles, like me.

Have you ever been at a friend's house and notice that your glasses are a little dirty?  Maybe you left a few too many fingerprints as you grabbed blindly for them while the alarm clock screamed?  Maybe hot grease flew onto them as you checked too closely to see if the bacon was done?  Maybe the dog licked them?

Whatever the reason, something on your glasses is bothering you, so you reach for a Kleenex (or other brand) tissue to clean them.  You breathe delicately onto the lenses to moisten them just the right amount, then gently wipe away all the imperfections, preparing for the rest of the day to look bright, shiny, and crystal clear.

Then you put your glasses on, and you realize your mistake.  Awww -- you whine to your host -- are these those Kleenex that have lotion in them?!?  You can't quite see your host, though, because your lenses are now coated with a thin, semi-translucent patina of moisturizer. The world now looks like one of those White Diamonds perfume commercials in which they have heavily filtered the lens in an attempt to make Liz Taylor look anywhere south of 50.  Good luck getting it off without Windex.  At least your glasses will now be soft and supple to the touch.

Next month's pet peeve: President Bush.